this is what depression feels like:
every morning you wake
feeling shit
and every morning there's nothing to look forward to all day but
feeling shit
and every morning there's no hope of anything better but
feeling shit
and you lurch through each day
feeling shit
and make it home at night
feeling shit
and crawl into bed and turn on the tv and are able, for a while, in the warmth, and with the mellow distraction of cheerful voices that don't expect any response to pretend you don't
feel like shit
knowing that tomorrow you're still going to
feel like shit
unable to believe that there's any possibility that you're ever going to feel anything other than
shit
in fact you're probably going to just feel
more shit
each day, as your resistance is worn down, and you become increasingly impermeable to any good feeling, like loving or feeling loved, so you think about pulling the plug, in one way or another, and frightening yourself with thoughts like that, turn the tv up a little louder, hold the dog a little closer, pull the bedclothes a little tighter, and wait for the gentle lapping of the first waves of sleep to come and wash away the unceasing mental suffering of the day, the unrelenting torture - tomorrow of course will be just the same as today but for now there is a blessed, temporary relief, so you relinquish yourself to it, knowing that you'll deal with tomorrow, as you must, when tomorrow comes