Studying last night until could study no more then exhausted fell into bed but not exhausted enough it seems or at least exhausted too much and sleep didn't come instead lay awake and worried about the state of the study that I had done that day and wondered what to do about it but too tired to get up and deal with it then but too worried to go to sleep (are you picking up on the frustrating circularity of the state of my being at the time?)
There is they say no rest for the wicked so when after this restless night my alarm woke me to curses at 5 this morning in the pitch dark i concluded i must be wicked indeed but this adage I think refers to the state of conscience, peace of mind and to the fact that those who are wicked must never be able to have any peace because of the weight of their ill deeds
But this doesn't fit with my experience of the world which indicates that the truly wicked rest quite peacefully, because the truly wicked are not plagued by conscience; instead it is the good, or the aspiring-good, who rest fitfully when failing to live up to their aspirations and who are plagued by mistakes and errors and inadequacies
So maybe the adage should be updated to summarise this state of affairs, that the wicked sleep well and the good who live well sleep well but those who aspire to goodness but fall short sleep fitfully and rest little which is less poetic and in some ways less helpful because the vast majority of people i believe are aspiring-good people who because of their human nature will always be aspiring-good people and will frequently make mistakes and fall short of their aspirations and so will often sleep restlessly but that isn't so poetic or so pithy now is it?